Nebula 2/Nebula Two.iso/Documents/Other/GirlsGeekGuide.txt

Internet Message Format | 1995-06-12 | 8KB

Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 15:18:52 -0400 Message-Id:
<abc5630f040210040b9c@[192.80.72.165]> To: [e-mail] From:
[e-mail] (Jon Callas) Subject: When it rains, it pours dept.

[headers nuked]

A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat


So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a
whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the sinister
dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school riot girls in
baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or permanently shacked up
with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills.  Which will it be, a wifely
prison or a humiliating one night stand?  Into this void of potential mates
comes a man you may not have considered before, a man of substance, quietude
and stability, a cerebral creature with a culture all his own.  In short, a
geek.


    Why Geek Dudes Rule

    They are generally available.

    Other women will tend not to steal them.

    They can fix things.

    Your parents will love them.

    They're smart.


Where The Geek Dude Lurks

While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to
shows too often.  Instead you'll find them hanging out with their friends,
discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates
impressions.  You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite bands
on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows?  Well, geek dudes wear
t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them, thus showing
that they are up on the latest, um, releases.  A small, though convivial,
rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes.  Try wearing one yourself
and see if he strikes up a conversation.

Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All geeks
harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace, carrying on an
e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an activity he is
comfortable with, computing, with one he is very uncomfortable with,
socializing.  To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an advanced form of some
kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack of players.  Their lack
is your strength.


Imprinting

You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the world
works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a reason for
this.  Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek dudes must
look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social milieu, geeks
often go through a transference stage with such narratives, and try to model
their interactions on them.  Thus, certain media images and themes come to
have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, while the rest of us
view such programming as mere entertainment.  Case in point, our next topic...


The Trek factor

If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping a
geek dude.  And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock
either.  You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep Space
Nine, your Babylon 5.  Armed with your own knowledge of Federation policies,
you can better gauge when and how to act.  The sexual politics of Star Trek
are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and the women are
caretakers (a doctor and a counselor).  Note the sexual tensions on the bridge
of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight uniforms, and with luxuriant,
flowing hair.  The men, often balding, and sporting some sort of permanently
attached computer auxiliary.  This world metaphorizes the fantasies of the
geek dude, who sees himself in the geeky-but-heroic male officers and who
secretly desires a sexy, smart, Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially
accept him for who he is.  If you are willing to accept that this is his
starting point for reality, you are ready for a geek relationship.


Once You've Nabbed Him

Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle.  Keeping him by
your side is another story altogether.  I was privileged to speak with Miss
Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also clever enough
to marry him just a few short months ago.  She interrupted her newlywed bliss
to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man:

Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands.  If you can hang with the
techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates.  They are the most attractive
people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more alluring over
time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a chance.


Geek Cuisine

Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think
and aren't all that into cooking for themselves.  Make sure that your geek
understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with home
cooked food.  A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that you
love him.  You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however, remember
that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a monitor.


Geek Lifestyle

The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with him.
He seems permanently connected to his hard disk.  You must at least appear
interested in his work.  Generally, a solid understanding of the computer is a
must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be able to talk the talk.
Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed about details which appear
insignificant. Be understanding, put on your best Deanna Troi face (see above)
and empathize.

To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games.  Let him play Myst or
Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for hours if he wants to.  Act concerned if he's
stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs.  My geek loves to try to help
people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in Myst.  He comes up with
clever riddles instead of directing them point blank.  Geeks also like to go
to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies, again, a basically harmless vent for
your man.


Geek Buddies

Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer to as
RL (Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that is sometimes
blue and sometimes black with little lights").  The greatest thing about your
geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them up with your
girlfriends.  They may feel awkward around females at first, so don't
overwhelm them.  In time they will come out of their shell and realize that
you are into the same things they are.


Post-It Note

I thank Victoria for the above advice.  I must say that when she read my draft
of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband which one he
thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the devil, immediately
replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually most like Ensign Ro
Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem who is always had
trouble (this is fairly apt).  This exchange is interesting for several
reasons:

    Howard had already thought about who she was most like.

    He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.

    Victoria actually knew who he meant.

    Folks, I think this marriage will last.


One Last Thing

Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have gone
underground.  You may actually know some and just haven't noticed them.  They
often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to realize this
as you grow closer to them.  Don't ever try to force the issue, or make crazy
demands that he choose between his computer and you.  Remember, his computer
has been there for him his whole life; you are a new interloper he hasn't
quite grasped yet.

Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles.
Don't you consider yourself one?  Wouldn't you like a little intellectual
stimulation or your own?  We thought so.

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